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I always contemplated if there was a few novel ways to go about dating; some covert approach that no one had exposed thus far. But unfortunately the more mature I get, the less I'm inclined to believe in such secrets.
One thing I've learned, though, is that the dating "fundamentals" are still the identical as when women were "cunning," and men were "hot".
When it comes to dating, the three main beliefs are: 1) calm down, 2) pay attention and 3) be yourself.
In my estimation, most people set the bar distantly too elevated when it comes to dating. C'mon, it's not that grave. It's thought to be enjoyable!
Consequently, here are some tips for those of you who are just getting out of a divorce and haven't got a clue (or for those of you who are over 40, single and have never had a clue):
- Calm down
I can't exaggerate this as much as necessary. Take a tip from the "younger" set and "just put on ice." Don't look at your date as the response to all of your problems — your ills, shortcomings, things you didn't get as a child, things you did get and want to keep getting, or any other entitlements on your list. Rather, enjoy your date's company and look at the experience as a chance to make a new friend, or to be enlightened on a subject you knew little about before the date. Because at this stage of the game it means nothing, and therefore nothing should be read into the experience. Period.
- Pay Attention…
…From the first date to whatever transpires over the next few months. Remember, even though you're still "chilling," if you've gotten past the first few dates, it's time to show the other person you are sincere about getting to know them. Let's stop right here and think about that phrase (go back and say it out loud if you need to)…OK, now ask yourself, did you really get to know the person during those first few dates, or were you concentrating on your needs again and what you want and expect? This is where many of us get into difficulty — especially women.
Avoid tunnel-vision: 1) how much money he makes, 2) what kind of car he drives, 3) how he dresses, and keep an open mind about his potential as a mate (if that's what you're looking for) based on what you've learned about him already.
I've heard numerous dreadfulness stories from women and men who didn't pay attention and missed those all-important clues that told them it was time to move on. And believe me, you know what those clues are — that hilarious feeling in your gut that tells you something isn't quite right.
This honesty can spare you from wasting time in dead-end relationships, because you'll find out all you need to know about the individual simply by listening to them.
Mandy H.
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